Don't Let me Down

Naturally, we are in a state of pure love, however by our tendency to become greedy and lusty for material things, this love is covered, but not destroyed (how could you destroy something that is eternal). The nature of saintly people is to give the best of what they have to others solely for the benefit of others. Those of us who have been in a loving relationship have experienced this as well, we act, speak dress, in certain ways only because we want to please the object of our affection. Thus one can define love as putting someone else's needs before their own. When a baby is first born it is quite a burden to the mother, it requires care all day and even at night when it wakes up at all hours crying and screaming. Yet despite all of this calamity, the mother out of love for her child caters to each of it's needs even if it costs her sleep and relaxation. The mother is not thinking "what about my needs, what about my well being" she is simply engaged in loving service. Because our nature is to love and be loved, the mind can be compared to a room with many attractive seemingly fulfilling objects. In order to return to our natural state, we simply have to remove the objects that we have decided belong there through our desire to be in control and receive benediction from others. Our natural state is all wise, eternal and blissful, we don't need these things to feel happy, we are naturally and genuinely happy by giving and receiving love. On top of that if we try to satisfy ourselves with these sense objects and do not account for our true needs, everything we do onto others and ourselves will be superficial and ultimately void of satisfaction.The Gita says, "Beyond the dualities that arise from doubts, whose minds are engaged within who are always busy working for the welfare of all living beings and who are free from all sins attain liberation" 5.25. If one instead chooses to rejoice without instead of taking into consideration the needs of his true being, that person is forced to be in a constant state of frantic swimming against the current and simultaneously submits himself to the manipulative forces of material nature, if one at some point does not take initiative to make a change, he will eventually find himself at the bottom of the river. But one who actively performs service in the spirit of satisfying others, whose mind is fixed in loving exchange gradually free themself from all bondages and become glorious. I've decided to extend my trip and will be exploring some more holy places of India under the guidance of the spiritual master who arranged my stay here in the first place, I owe all my learning and experience to him and offer my humble and respectful obeisances. I've been engaged in eye opening classes on some of the ancient Vedic scriptures for 6 hours a day for about the past 2 weeks and am learning more than I ever could have imagined under the teaching of persons who I do not deserve to even be in the same room with at this point in my spiritual growth. I'm very grateful to all those who have helped me on my journey thus far and look forward to what lies ahead. Hare Krishna

The Bird has Sung

While attending a 12 hour kirtan in Barasana, I had one of the deepest spiritual experiences of my life. After silent japa (quiet recitation of the Hare Krishna maha mantra) in the rickshaw (Indian cab) to the beautiful ashram where the event was taking place, I arrived in high spirits. To my surprise, despite what seemed like the remote location of the ashram which was situated in one of the beautiful forests of Vrindavan, there were much more westerners than native Indians, all of whom were joyously engaged in chanting the transcendent maha mantra. They were led by a man of about 25 years old who with great reverence expressed his deep longing and appreciation for Krishna through chanting of the sacred mantra to an intense beat. This performance deeply moved me as I had not been accustomed to such powerful kirtan which evoked an immediate heart felt response. Amidst my ecstatic clapping and chanting,  I noticed a female devotee with a shaven head across the room smiling blissfully as she also chanted along, I could tell we were experiencing similar ecstasies. To my surprise the woman who I would come to know by the spiritual name Prasant took over the singing when the first kirtaneer finished, I sensed this would be a beautiful performance. Prasant closed her eyes and slowly began reciting the maha mantra as the group of devotees playing a variety of instruments accommodated her slow but powerful melody. The haunting melody turned into a reverent up beat expression of conjugal love which was catalyzed by a joyous conviction and deep compassion. As I listened I came to terms with the fact that this woman was in a state of transcendence and she was bringing the about 200 attendants of the event with her to a place not subject to the polluting material forces. I looked around and noticed how happily entranced so many people were as they listened and chanted along, people of all different backgrounds, ages, etc. all joined together to express their true blissful nature that is universally inherent yet dormant due to the conditioning of the material world. This inspired such deep powerful thoughts about the power of music as a universal unifying and enlightening force due to the impact it has on the listeners both consciously and subconsciously. Most of the time at least in the mainstream it's used to promote the mundane, things that are "quick fixes" for happiness such as money and sex but ultimately lead to attachment and despair. I thought about how the reason this maha mantra and kirtan in general have such profound effects on people is because they express something which is eternal, beyond the effects of time which lead to decay and the end of all things. Nothing is eternal, or lasts forever, everything must come to an end except of course God and the part of us which is of the same quality of God. The more we identify with these things that are temporary, the further we run from our true self which leads to unhappiness and confusion. His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada said, "Simply by cleansing the birdcage one does not satisfy the bird. Similarly, without knowing the need of the dormant soul, one cannot be happy simply by gratifying the body and mind."(Srimad Bhagavatam 1.2.8)  By partaking in kirtan or japa, not only are you maintaining the bird, you're letting to bird sing which can be said is the bird's inherent nature. Anyway the more I let myself go, the further I fell into an oasis of pure transcendental thought and the more I became overwhelmed with feelings of ecstatic love and appreciation for the Supreme and his grace in allowing all of the people from all over the planet access to feelings of divine happiness and clarity simply by chanting his name. My words trembled and I could hardly contain myself nor did I have the least bit of desire to. When you can forget about all of the things that everyone is telling you are the most important and instead focus on what actually is wholeheartedly and humbly, then you can begin to see the truth. Until then our thoughts and what we consider to be intelligence and knowledge will always be tainted by our wavering perception and an intelligence that is completely vulnerable to our false sense of pride and proprietorship. When listening to music that deeply speaks to us we are almost in a state of trance, we are not thinking about the future or the past, which is usually what our minds are busy doing. Instead we are just in a state of pure listening and feeling the emotions being conveyed by the artist. Kirtan is designed to bring the listeners to that state but instead of bringing their attention to topics that are subject to the sands of time and ultimately lead to despair, they bring the mind to something that lasts forever and has no past or future thus feeding the bird and disregarding the cage. 

Vrindavan, The Abode of the Seeker

Vrindavan is beyond anything words can describe. I was truly conflicted whether to write this or not because I genuinely feel that any slew of words that I may conjure will only take away from the experience and my feelings towards it. However I feel it necessary to at least make an attempt for the sake of those souls who may be ready to experience such a place. Vrindavan is truly an expression of the ability that humans have within them that is in no way human. It is less of a tourist attraction and more of a place of refuge for those of us who are not satisfied with the material point of view. People from all over the world who are in search of God or at least something deeper than the tv screen and radio come to experience the essence of Supreme Truth that lingers throughout the streets. Though subtle, this supreme truth is non discriminative, it is available for providing realization to men, women and children of all different creeds, ethnicities, financial backgrounds, levels of education etc. for how could a truth that is supreme or which pervades all, be anything less than universal? For this reason people of all ages, from all over the world flock to Vrindavan to express the love there within them or the yearning for something that won't ever deteriorate and lose it's original essence as everything else does in the universe. What is required however is that yearning for something deep, something that words only limit and thoughts tend to categorize as irrational due to the fact that it doesn't lead to material "gain" such as money or sex appeal. The wealth of knowledge and wisdom here is second only to the wealth of faith. This knowledge and wisdom is a result of the passing down of lessons from one generation to the next, lessons which teach selflessness, humility, detachment to the results of ones actions or those of others, cooperation, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, equanimity in the face of friend or foe, patience, service and most of all, love. The faith arises if not from understanding of these principles, then from simply associating with those that do. This kind of atmosphere makes for a bird's eye view of the disease in the west that is spreading throughout the world. True happiness does not come from attainment of material desires. Sit back, take a deep breath and ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing, if it is to acquire some kind material profit or social acceptance then again ask why you believe you need these things, it boils down to the fact that your entire life, the tv, the radio, your parents, etc. have been forcing you to think that the only way you can be happy is by acquiring something. It is different for everyone, some want a big house, a prestigious degree, a beautiful partner (to cite the most common) but what remains the same for all is the fact that you are all already whole and complete and as long as you neglect your inner calling for the outer calling, you will never be happy. I'm not saying to not get an education, but make sure you get one because you are hungry for knowledge and understanding in a field that you are genuinely passionate about. In Vrindavan poverty amongst locals is as common as the mosquitoes but people are happy because they recognize the external is nowhere near as valuable as what you feel in your heart every night before you go to sleep. We as a society have been tricked and it's time to admit it. We've been cheated by the media and those who control what we see and hear into believing we need what they tell us is important. What they tell us is important, is actually only important to them because they are the ones making money off of our desires. It's time to stop feeding into the illusion, it's driving everyone completely insane as justified by the fact that 1 IN 4 Americans over the age of 18 have mental disorders (Provided by National Institution for Mental Health) (Google it). Not everyone will hear this but for those that do know that you're waking up from the very long sleep that these controlling people have put you into and there are thousands of others waking up from this dream state every day. Those of us who want to be with others that share this awakening from the illusion that these puppeteers have created and those who want to become a few steps closer to the eternal Supreme Truth and love that has existed since time immemorial sometimes venture to a beautiful place called Vrindavan. 

Cleaning the Mirror

I have been blessed and cursed with a philosophical mind, (depending on how I look at it)  let me explain. After almost an entire month of trying to understand God in philosophical terms I have come across one of the most important realizations of my life. In all reality, God is simply too vast and complex for our material senses and intelligence to comprehend. This is not something to be discouraging, but to actually inspire a deep felt love and appreciation (bare with me). There comes a time when you must admit that ultimately you can not know everything, our true intelligence is limited by our false ego but that's a whole other topic. It is at this point of realization when one must simply let go and have faith. It is hard to explain to anyone because something like one's feelings about the higher power are often very personalized and based off their own beliefs that they have been cultivating since birth. However I believe Srila Prabhupada, one of the most self realized and genius persons to walk the earth puts it in terms that most can understand, "Religion without philosophy is sentiment, sometimes fanaticism, while philosophy without religion is mental speculation." (Gita 3.3 purport) Faith without understanding (also called blind faith) is weak and is likely to lose it's composure when tested, but at the same time no amount of scholarly knowledge can give you a complete understanding of something which is so beyond this world. Once you give up the endless search for the higher power through speculation and implement a faith that compliments your thinking, you can begin to understand the ultimate reality. Socrates makes reference to this point in a person's spiritual growth with the following quote, "I know that I know nothing." though it may seem paradoxical, it is truly the humility and acceptance that means everything. Because the mind is such a powerful entity, once we can put it to rest in it's endeavours and just be, our divine perception may take the wheel as opposed to our artificial intelligence or false ego. Let it be, it is truly one of the most wise and powerful uses of your free will that you may come to know. Tomorrow I board an 18-hour train to Vrindavan, the mecca of God worship in India, much the population there is consumed with an overwhelming love for God, or Krishna as most call him there. I am very excited.

Doubt

If you think about it, doubt is a tendency of human beings that should have been left behind somewhere in the plane of our evolving. What is doubt? Doubt is something that arises when we are unsure of our own ability or that of others. It leads to endless chains of negative thoughts that only drive the person who is doubting further and further down emotionally and also further and further away from the desired result. Basically, doubt has absolutely no beneficial use to us, it is purely an evil state of mind that only impedes our progress. One may say that doubt is a natural occurrence due to people being "realistic" and having analytical minds and thus it can not be controlled let alone eliminated. This however is ultimately a false statement, the way to change anything is to introduce a new way of going about something that is simply more beneficial. In this way, any logical person can gradually, overtime make the conscious decision to make the change and benefit from it. In my eyes, doubt in it's evil form can be defeated by analyzing the situation instead of simply making brash mental claims that ultimately only torture your mentality. By first taking a step out of the pool of negative thoughts that you were sinking deeper and deeper into, you are able to look at the situation as it is as opposed to what you've made of it with all these doubts. A good way to calm yourself down when being consumed by thought is to simply observe the breath. The breath and emotions are connected in such a way that when we become distressed emotionally, our breath immediately responds and we start breathing very quickly. If we simply take slow deep breaths our mind naturally calms down and allows us to take that step back, into a position in which we can observe a situation as it is. Once we are able to do this we can make progress in our thinking and ultimately realize that we have little control over an outcome. What we can control is how we react to it and that ultimately is what makes you who you are, the choice. If you'd like you can chose to continue doubting and getting worked up over a situation. The more beneficial thing to do is, with a calm mind analyze the situation for what it is, not what you make it. In this state of mind we can develop a more clear and positive view of the world around us and can begin to understand how big an effect our state of mind has on the way we view a situation. Anything in this world can be taken away from us when we least expect it, we have no control over these external things; cars stop working, houses burn down, people get sick all at what seems like random. The fact is that the only thing we do have is our independence and free will,if you're not using it to the best of your ability, you're only another person trapped by the illusion. 

Good dog

There's a Native American proverb that often I reflect on throughout the day. It says that within the heart of every human is a battle between two dogs, one being the good dog which is comprised of love, compassion, humility, empathy, selflessness, patience, the other is comprised of deceitfulness, discrimination, anger, envy, malice and anguish. This battle is said to rage on until one defeats the other and the one who wins is the one you feed. In other words, seeing this "good dog" as the light within us all, by acting from within instead of reacting impulsively, we ultimately kindle this flame. The more we feed the good dog, the stronger he becomes and the more often he prevails. By allowing this "good dog" to become stronger and shine through we are better able to perceive the nature of things because our vision is not obscured by negative emotions that cause the mind to look at things in a darker point of view. If we are able to look at all situations with this mindset and learn from them instead of letting them throw us into counter productive emotional states we are able to cultivate wisdom and lead a life of happiness and integrity. When on the contrary, we react to external forces and allow ourselves to be manipulated by circumstance, we feed the bad dog which ultimately leads to depression and confusion. This is so because by being so attached to the results of our actions or those of others to the point that we feel the need to lie, cheat and deceive we are setting ourselves up for a let down because ultimately we are not in control of what happens. Therefore feed your good dog! Not only will you gradually find yourself in a consistent good mood, you will have a positive effect on others and will see the world from a clearer, more capable point of view.

Eternal Bliss

As I get to know myself more and more I am often confronted with the faults in my ways. One fault I have noticed that is also shared by many others is the formation of habit. While simply living day to day, we unconsciously are compelled to react in certain ways to what we see, feel and hear around us. Blindly we go about life bumping into whatever crosses our path, being thrown into emotional states uncontrollably. Upon analysis of this blind path I came across the fact that what makes me depressed very well makes someone else joyous, what scares me is someone else's idea of a good time and what makes me swell with anger is another man's greatest love. Because of this fact we come to terms with another, that everything can be perceived as good or bad depending on how we look at it. This raises another question, is it then possible to simply adopt a mindset where all is good? Wouldn't adoption of this mindset lead to a person experiencing supreme bliss throughout life regardless of circumstance? Apparently this was the same thought process that was conceived by the Buddha as he is known for bringing to India a technique in which this mindset is achievable. The technique is called vipassana and I plan on traveling to a world renowned Buddhist center in Bombay towards the end of my trip to learn and master this technique before returning to the states.

Why I'm doing this (In Short)

In short, the reason for my adventure to India is that I wanted to figure out what I wanted to do in life before I began doing it. I went through the entire college application process and had a few good options before me, however in my heart I did not feel it wise to start on a path that I wasn't sure was for me, especially if that path required me owing a ton of money to some bank. I do believe in the importance of a higher education whether it be formal or informal but I don't believe that every 18 year old is capable of making the best decision for who they are at that young an age, with so little worldy experience. So as I meditate and brush cows I hope to come to realize what was meant for me to do in this lifetime and I also wish to see the world as it truly is, infinite, whole and universally connected.

Beautiful garden where I like to roam as the sun rises

Where Prashad or meals are served

We're not in Westchester anymore...

Life In the Ashram

Getting accustomed to life in the ashram has not been as easy as I initially expected. I live in a hut called the cob house that has been constructed from mud featuring a straw roof. I am to wake up at 430 am each day to feed and brush cows as well as carry out other small chores around the farm, this last for 2 hours then I return to my hut. Breakfast is served at 830, lunch at 12 and dinner at 830. I return to the cows each day for similar duties at 445 pm that last anywhere from 2-3 hours. Each morning as I leave my hut to tend to the cows I am mesmerized by the sights before me. A lush, lively tree line surrounds the area, trees that have not tasted the toxic and unnatural smog that travels like armies of bewildered souls searching for for heaven into our neighborhoods. Beyond the trees, enormous mountains which know no bounds stand in eternal patience and bliss for their equilibrium has yet to be shaken by the hands of men who fail to see their true nature. Beyond the mountains a vast landscape of the brightest stars imaginable overwhelms me as in New York, pollution often hides much of the proud, ominous and mysterious objects that ever so delicately compliment the night sky. At the ashram, stars are so incredibly bountiful and whole, so much so that they appear to me as another world, until I realize that they make up something much bigger, the entire universe and I remind my mind to not think in such limiting terms. 

The cow farm or Goshala is one of the most important aspects of the ashram. Cows are considered divine and close to God. I have yet to learn the complete theory behind this but the owner Nimailila assures that I will in time. Cows and bulls in person are much different than on TV. On TV we see them as slow, lethargic and almost in a sense comical, being with cows and bulls in person shows you that you must be a bit more humble. When you are in a pen with 20-30 animals that each way about 20x your weight and are about 50x stronger, you run the risk of being trampled. The thought of this made me tense and nervous around the cows which led to them getting super sketched out. Upon realizing the effect I was having on the animals I realized my fear was irrational because by being afraid of being trampled, I only increased the chances of it so happening, upon realizing this I reminded my mind to not think in such limiting terms. 

Being as my schedule thus far gives me a lot of free time, I am endowed with much time to think. On the first day as I sat in my cob house, the heat began to rise and along with it did my rate of thought. I began to worry and question if I had made the right decision, asking myself if I could really live like this for almost 2 months. I began to think of all the negatives; the bugs, the heat, the faulty shower, the list could have went on extensively. My anxiety grew and my thoughts raced until I made the conscious decision to take a step back and analyze how I was thinking. I came to realize that what I was experiencing was a HUGE change from what I was used to in Westchester, NY and I recalled the psychological fact that people are obliged to fear change or more generally, what they fail to totally understand. I began to site proof of this fact throughout history, ignorant people feared the change that Martin Luther King Jr. was bringing during the civil rights movement, fear turned to hatred as it naturally does which resulted in MLK's death. The same rings true from the fear and hatred of Jesus by those who crucified him to that of the parents of countless rebellious teenagers who were consumed with outrage when Elvis first showed the world Rock N Roll. I realized my fear of what's to come was no different than that of the millions of ignorant people who have lashed out against change in the past, upon realizing this I reminded my mind to not think in such limiting terms.